TWIMO in Distress

Hey kiddos! Your fearless leader here (okay more like fearful). After a several month hiatus from the game I like to call dating, I'm getting back on the proverbial dating horse and hoping it doesn't kick me off again. As you may or may not know my last adventure in the realm of dating with a so called attorney that claimed his nationality was yes.. get this... Southern ended very maturely (as in me being like, "look buddy, stop being an ass and leading me on. If you're not into this, cool, but tell me so I can move on to the next lame-o, I mean gem we call the male sex) but left me with a giant void in my social life. So naturally when I get depressed about my single facebook status, I take notice of the online dating profiles that I neglect, but still pay a monthly fee for (mainly because I've forgotten to cancel them and they have that damn autopay feature). So I recently decided to update my pictures and verbiage on said profiles and suddenly got tons, okay like 5, hits. Now I find myself going on a date tomorrow night and I'm awash with the terrible emotional turmoil I like to call the first date.

First of all I kinda miss dating, since over the last few months when I go out with friends I always find myself in a conversation saying, "Oh, I went there on a date." It's a great way to explore the city and since I am blessed with being a girl, not having to pay for it. I miss exploring Atlanta. I want a person to do that with. :(

As much as I loved having something to do on my Saturday nights, I also hate how dating brings up every single insecurity I have ever had about myself. Am I too shy, am I reveling to much of my dorkiness or tendency to like things 80  year olds like (note to self: hide the cross stitch), am I too chubby, am I being too judgy of other people, is everyone in this joint looking at me and saying how awkward that date must be, and do my ears stick out too much (damn you David Ayers for telling me I looked like a monkey in 1st grade). Yep, these are the silly things I think about and that sometimes make me cry when anticipating an upcoming date. I think this is also why I can never make it into an actual relationship with these potential dates. It's so much easier to shut down and run away than face the fact that I have a double chin or most likely will never have anything in common with boys. I mean I could really care less if sports EVER existed on this earth.

So here's to another anxiety ridden first date. To the excitement, the dread, and hopefully to it maybe working. I'm going to try very hard this time to take my own advice and push the past aside and seize the day and find the pearl in the slimy bivalve oyster of life.